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Oil Rig

by Alex

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1.
But I’ve always said I am at the mercy of it I have no answers Even your kind words seem Now to come in-between Lengthy absence When you leave a pause Sighing more deaths of course Because you see it all (You) make me feel young again (You) make me feel dumb again Easily hurt But I’ve always said I am at the mercy of it Now even your kind words seem Somehow forced in-between I am your faithful dog In constant need of Reassurance Self-esteem is shot And the knocking on The door is endless
2.
I have been buried For many months now Breathing’s been heavy Air underground Is stale but precious A spirited cloud Resting my head ‘cause I’m homeward bound Homeward bound I have been checking Over my skin For signs of infection Discolouring We’re used to being lied to (We) pretend not to hear Most times when I need you You disappear Disappear I have been resting In waiting room chairs Answering questions (In) professional care Just think that it’s best when You’re rehearsing goodbyes You take your own medicine And close your eyes Close your eyes
3.
Oh what a great CEO you might’ve made Sighing on the phone in pubs, cafes To yes and yes and yes And all your loyal sweethearts scrunching up their face Tell you that you’re just like them And it’s best, they guess And yes and yes =2(Yes) =2(Now look at you) =2(What did you lose?) Nothing at all =2(Scared all the time) =2(But what have you tried?) Nothing at all =3(All) You should hear the way you sound when you talk Of dinner parties, afternoons And of heart-to-hearts and hillside walks And all the things you’ve still not found the time to do Oh how this has been hard for you Oh what a hardship to Keep bending truths Truth =2(Now look at you) =2(What did you lose?) Nothing at all =2(Scared all the time) =2(But what have you tried?) Nothing at all =2(Now look at you) What did you lose? Nothing at all =2(Scared all the time) But what have you tried? Nothing at all =2(Nothing at all)
4.
Red Eye 03:44
Settle in, take your time Hang it all out on the line For the rest of your life This will be etched into your mind From this moment onwards Life will never be the same My ideas of happiness And hope will have to change Settle in, take your time Take deep breaths And clear your eyes For the rest of our lives We can but analyse =2(Throwing away All of this, all of it Was it worth it?) By the end, eyes are red And you’re shivering like death There’s this vast emptiness (The) ground is waves And I’m a mess We walk back home And stick the television on And one last time pretend Like nothing has gone wrong =4(Throwing away All of this, all of it Was it worth it?) Throwing away All of this, all of it For a doubt Throwing away All of this, all of it Was it worth it?
5.
Escape Plan 03:34
All these new free hours And cards and arms of flowers I guess that your Conscience must be raging You’re overcompensating It’s pitiful Fear made you call off The escape plan When you realised guards might die Overnight a conscience arose And now you’re constantly asking for Something you can do to be Making yourself useful It’s comical Fear made you call off The escape plan When you realised guards might die When I became a patient You stared out into space You were nowhere The next day you were suddenly Summoning time From out of clean air Guilt made you call off The escape plan When you realised guards might die A photo-op donation A public declaration We see through it But we’re buried in this debt So we’ll take what we can get And be glad of it Guilt made you call off The escape plan When you realised guards have lives The escape plan And their families won’t survive The escape plan The escape plan
6.
Each step could be my last one And so I probe them With deep suspicion The ground is moss on rocks underwater Progress is slow And comes fraught with danger If I should mis-step or lose my footing I could be carried rapidly downstream And (even) if I get safe I’ll be in bad shape And then the ambulances will come Then by my bedside, you’ll be there Dwelling upon the pressure That you’re under =2(Your flailing arms Took down a power line So now we live With nasty battery lights) Self-stirred into a frenzy For the last hour, I have been waking Recovering from a lengthy surgery (They) put a detective Somewhere inside me Now I’m a monster What have they done to me Now my blood burns with paranoia There’s always breaking twigs All around me I twitch at every single sound =2(Your flailing arms Took down a power line So now we live With nasty battery lights)
7.
Comeback Kid 03:49
Why do I keep staggering back to my feet For one more round Inviting you to put me down I know my friends Are sick of absorbing my ends I see myself As something that cannot be helped There’s only so many times You can climb out of a hole So many times You can climb out of a hole I’ve seen what I wanted to see And when I try It gets scattered into impotent breeze And when I try It’s just mist against burning trees I know you lie A censor upon my beliefs I know you lie Reality’s hidden from me Now it’s all sinking in It’s becoming real It’s all sinking in The ending is near Feels so close now I could just reach out I’ve seen what I needed to see I’ve seen what I needed to see Reality’s hidden from me
8.
=2(All your things can be rebuilt) Time will not return my health to me Time will not return my… Broken down month by month Used every survival trick I know A day is too much, too much, too much Even five minutes feels slow =2(All your things can be rebuilt All your things can be rebuilt Time will not return my health to me Time will not return my health) Carry my body, heavy as lead Thrown about by the ocean swell While I was breathless in my bed You were on the phone to someone else =2(All your things can be rebuilt) Time will not return my health to me Time will not return my health All… Living out on the oil rig Where there’s nothing much to do With all that time alone to think All that time waiting for you =2(All your things can be rebuilt All your things can be rebuilt Time will not return my health to me Time will not return my health)
9.
Hey Kitty! 03:57
After the riots, everything is still The media crews left us to rebuild Now everything’s quiet There’s time to kill The epilogue is a vast space to fill Everyone keeps using this phrase: “When it’s all over…” Everyone keeps talking about Getting back to normal Everyone keeps telling me What I shouldn’t be afraid of Everyone seems sick of not Getting everything they want Well there will come a time Somewhere in your life When a doctor says This is how it is now This is how it is This is how it is now Well no-one really gets what they deserve Some people think I should be angrier And others say you have to let it go I just want to feel like myself again Everyone keeps acting like A cat refusing medicine Everyone keeps sharing Their own reasons why they’re different Everyone says they’ll change But the timing’s not convenient Everyone is boring With the hills they choose to die upon Everyone’s doing mental gymnastics To exclude themselves Everyone keeps telling me why What they did was fine Well there will come a time Somewhere in your life When a doctor says This is how it is now This is how it is This is how it is now
10.
Healthy Fear 04:57

about

This album was made with broken and discarded gear; audio equipment salvaged from skips and bins, or pulled from neglected drawers and deep cupboards. Some of it I repaired, some of it I modified, some of it I just let be broke. I wired it all together into a playground of misbehaving units and sent my simple songs down its many pathways, while buttons were pushed and knobs were turned. I couldn't recreate these sounds if I tried.


I've never been one to dedicate things, not since I wrote a song for my deceased hamster when I was 11. Nevertheless, it feels appropriate this one time. So this album is for Nik et Delphine und Johanna. I'll always be grateful.

credits

released April 6, 2021

All tracks written, performed, recorded and mixed by Alex (Jan-Dec 2020).
Track 10 monologue performed by Jessica Angleskhan.
Mastered by Jerome Schmitt at The Airlab.

© 2021 Alex
℗ 2021 MishMishLa

MISH002

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Alex Manchester, UK

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